Yamabushido Newsletter
The next edition of the Yamabushido Newsletter Lessons From Mountains that I’m currently writing will come out later tonight. It’s a doozy. If you like reading this stuff, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.
Now onto the article, but first up,
I need to get this out of the way:
Why Japan Has Tofu Exams But No Lifeguard Standards
Yesterday we went to the beach.
I was surprised by a few things. For starters,
it was free!
Normally, after Emperor on a Boat Day, beaches in Japan have a parking warden. Someone to charge you money for parking on what is, until Emperor on a Boat Day at least, free. Until then, the parking wardens obediently stay in their little mole holes and plan elaborate schemes to relieve you of your money (like those pesky parking wardens in Wellington).
This beach though? No need to worry about that. There was no gatekeeper. No fee. Just sprawling ocean as far as the eye can see.
Well, that and a company gate and grounds you have to drive through to get there. Maybe that’s why it was free.
Still, it felt oddly liberating,
until I saw the lifeguard.
A man clearly past his prime. Mid-50s, potbelly, sunburnt like a boiled lobster. Not exactly Baywatch material. And judging by the lack of jet skis or rescue gear, I don’t think he’s saving many lives by swimming. But maybe I’m being harsh. Maybe he’s secretly a Koi in disguise.
Still,
I wouldn’t bet my life on it.
There was one hilariously Japanese part though. A family started climbing on the rocks just outside the designated swimming ropes.
While in New Zealand, we’d yell something like,
“Oi, get off the rocks!”
in Japan you get an overweight1 bright-red lifeguard reading a scripted speech over the loudspeakers.
Talk about passive aggressive.
But it worked!
The family quickly dispersed. Then a few minutes later, the lifeguard finished his speech.
Until, around 4:45 p.m., when another broadcast came on, also clearly scripted:
“The lifeguard will be finishing their duties at 5:00 p.m. Please take care when swimming after this time.”
Speaking of, this might surprise you.
I’m a yamabushi (山伏）, a mountain ascetic. The yama (山) means mountain (look at the shape). The bushi (伏) is from fuseru, which means to promulgate or to be on all fours (the character is ‘man’ and ‘dog’, care to guess why?).
A yamabushi is therefore ‘one who promulgates in the mountains’.
That’s not the surprising part. The surprising part is that despite being a mountain ascetic,
my first love is water.
The ocean, the pool, rivers, to this day I swim regularly. I especially love going out into the waves and bodysurfing. That, and waterpolo of course. A sport I played for, oh,
ten or so years.
I even got third place in New Zealand three times. Never could quite make the final. There’s probably a metaphor in that somewhere.
Anyway, you may as well call me The Kiwi Umibushi,
one who promulgates in the ocean.
(Or The Kiwi Yamafishy?)
Such is my love of water that when I was in high school I worked as a lifeguard at a few local pools. I have very fond memories of those days; eating fish and chips while watching older women doing aquarobics, jumping off the walkway that hung from the ceiling instead of the purpose-built diving board, turning the water off and going down the aptly called Zoom Tube waterslide2 on our knees for maximum speed…
the list goes on.
But there was one time I had to work.
At lifeguard training they drilled it into us that we were lifeguards not lifesavers.
Huge difference.
Well, one day I was a lifesaver.
This little kid, probably only 8 years old, had gone down the waterslide and realised that he probably couldn’t swim after all. Once I realised he wasn’t joking I jumped in to get him out,
clothes, shoes, and all.
I’ll always remember this because the kid just walked off without saying a thing.
He probably went home still wondering why I was all wet!
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the lifeguards at my local pool here in Sakata. Mr. Konno in particular is a delightful man who apparently taught himself how to swim in his 50s. He also works completely unironically as a parking warden at a local tourist attraction.
Let’s be honest though, most of the lifeguards here are probably past their prime. Things only get better, or worse, in summer after Emperor on a Boat Day when the 50m outdoor pool opens and they need more bodies on duty.
I just wish they wouldn’t choose the men in their 60s and 70s who swim with me. Sure, they can swim, maybe not quite at former-waterpolo-player-from-New-Zealand-level,
but still.
Not who you want sprinting to save you mid-drown.
Let’s give them a break though. Being a lifeguard isn’t exactly thrilling. We used to rotate our stations every 15 minutes or so just to stay sane, and even then it can get pretty boring.
To make matters worse, in Japan they have that age-old tradition of nodding off wherever they fancy. You know the one,
居眠り Inemuri: the Japanese art of sleeping on the job.
(add that to your Japan reading list)
I’m not sure if this is still the case, but in the past it was socially acceptable to sleep on the job, something about dedication or something.
At the very least this was true for Mrs. Sato ten-odd years ago when I worked at Amarume Junior High School, the English teacher, not the science one, and in the teacher’s office, not mid-lesson, that would be too overt a display of dedication even for a Japanese person.
Needless to say, on more than one occasion, I have spotted the lifeguards at my local pool doing a bit of inemuri.
Yes. On the job.
Talk about dedication!
Speaking of, back in New Zealand, lifeguards needed two qualifications; first aid, and one specifically for lifeguards I mentioned earlier.
I’ve kept up my first aid training, thanks to being a yamabushi and doing mountain first aid courses (also because my Dad died of a heart attack. It’s good to keep these things updated, you never know when you’ll need them).
The lifeguard qualification though? Maybe when I’m retired. Honestly, I can see myself doing it if money wasn’t an issue.
Because you know what?
I saw a job ad here for lifeguards, and the pay wasn’t that great, close to minimum wage.
In New Zealand, because you need those two qualifications the pay is generally better than minimum wage, or at least it was when I was in high school. It was a point of pride for me to earn $10.50 an hour3 working at the pool while my mates earned the $8 or so minimum wage working at Pizza Hut.
Suckers!
However, what surprised me most about the ad wasn’t the pay. It was the lack of required qualifications.
This is Japan, the land of qualifications! Obviously there is demand for it. People go for qualifications
like their lives depend on it.
They have qualifications for almost anything you can think of:
Inemuri. I kid. There’s no qualification for sleeping on the job. Rightfully so. Well, unless you’re The Prime Minister (true story).
Castles (!).
Ramen(!).
Tofu(!).
And, of course,
Tidying Up (Think Marie Kondo. Also, I have a friend who does this! She is fluent in English too, reach out if you want a consultation).
Anything.
Land of the Rising Sun? More like land of qualifications, am I right? You name it, Japan has a qualification for it (just search the word and 検定 like I did).
Anything!
Well, except for lifeguards it seems.
In the land of myriad certifications (Yaoyorozu no Kentei), the only one that might save your life is optional4.
But hey, at least your tofu is in good hands.
In case you missed it
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Daily Yamabushi for The Week
Daily Yamabushi posts for the week of July 25 to July 31, 2025.
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Build Something (I swear this was not on purpose)
At least bigger people float better. Something I learned on the Lifeguarding course. Unwillingly, mind you.
Locals know this all too well. Find where this is and you find where I worked / lived during the summer holidays after high school.
Which, I hate to say, is not too dissimilar to the rate I saw here some 20 years later…
They do have qualifications, but they ae optional, mainly for running a pool as opposed to saving lives. It’s also an online thing, which for lifeguarding is… odd.
I have a mental list of beaches around here that you need to pay to park at. Not that many TBF but annoying when you find a new one.
I too like both sea and mountain. It limits where I could consider living. One of the things I love about Japan is how the sea and the mountains are so close to each other. You can (for example) walk from Inasahama beach where the Kami hang out in November here in Izumo to the top of Misen, a 500m high mountain, in 4 or 5 km. It's less than 3 as the crow flies
The rules for when swimming is allowed are very frustrating , especially when staying at an ocean resort which features lots of photos of crowded pools on its website, and has a resort fee, but you find out when staying in early July or late August that the pools are off limits, except for precisely 4 weeks. And when they are open, you have to wear a swim cap even if you don’t have significant hair. You could try doing laps in the large 露天風呂, where no swim cap (or any other garments) are required or allowed, but that is also frowned upon.